Shark's fin melon is called shark's fin melon because after it's cooked, it can be raked into shreds that look like shark's fin. It is fake shark's fin for those who don't eat the real stuff because they: (1) can't afford to – although an arm and a leg for a fin is fair exchange, I think; (2) can't be bothered to – the preparation and cooking take forever; or (3) can't bear to – save the sharks!
Shark's fin melon and shark's fin share something in common besides their name and looks. They both need a lot of ingredients to give them flavour. Shark's fin on its own is pretty inedible, and so is shark's fin melon. Both need a robust stock, and if they're topped with crab meat, crab roe and dried scallops, so much the better. Despite their similarities, shark's fin melon is shark's fin melon, and shark's fin is shark's fin. No one should ever mistake shark's fin melon for shark's fin.
Related posts:uKiddingmi, Ron Sim?Part 1 and Part 2
The cover of Osim's annual report proudly proclaims, 'WE CREATE DEMAND'. The tagline seems to suggest that if something does not exist, Osim could just conjure it out of thin air. Well, it certainly seems it pulled uKimono's health benefits out of a magician's hat. And with a wave of the wand, Mr Ron Sim turns into Dr Ron Sim, twice over. According to Osim's website, Ron Sim has a PhD from Wisconsin International University, and another from American University of Hawaii.
10 seconds is all it takes to find out that these two universities aren't 'prestigious educational institutions', as Osim claims. Never mind the level of prestige, the two 'universities' aren't even accredited, i.e. they're degree mills.
Ron Sim isn't the only degree mill alumnus, or the only person selling slimming products with no scientific proof. But I bet he's the most celebrated within this select group. Here's a list of his public roles and awards (past and present), in addition to being the CEO of Osim:
Advisory board member of NUS Business School Advisory board member of Lee Kong Chian School of Business, SMU Member of Economic Review Sub-Committee, MTI Board member of Sentosa Development Corporation, MTI Board member of International Enterprise Singapore, MTI Member of Steering Committee of Network China, MTI Member of SME Committee, Singapore Business Federation Member of Investment Approval Committee, SPRING SEEDS, SPRING Singapore Member of DesignSingapore Council, MICA Business partner and investment of Temasek Holdings Entrepreneur of the Year, awarded by Ernst & Young Businessman of the Year, awarded by The Business Times and DHL
As an advisor of Lee Kong Chian School of Business and NUS Business School, Ron Sim would be a role model for business school students. A degree mill doctorate is an advisor and role model for tertiary institutions? If that's not ironical, I don't know what is. What if business school students start selling products that don't work, like Ron Sim? Or quit studying and just buy a PhD, or two or three, like Ron Sim? And why is MTI so intimate with the guy? Should someone like him be on any investment approval committee? Business awards? Come on! Aren't these organizations indirectly endorsing Ron Sim's questionable business strategies and use of degree mills? Is that the right thing to do? Is it right for Temasek, headed by the prime minister's wife, to be associated with a company that takes advantage of consumers' gullibility?
Curious to know why esteemed private and government organizations would put Ron Sim on a pedestal and worship him, I emailed them a few questions, like those above.
The one-up-on-LKY reponse – from Ernst & Young
Ernst & Young's excuse was that it didn't partake in the judging process for the Entrepreneur of the Year (EOY) award it gave Ron Sim. A panel of judges was appointed to do that.
I wasn't happy with the answer. Ernst & Young, as Osim's external auditor, should have known about Ron Sim's PhDs since Osim's annual reports had been proudly carrying the information year after year. Did Ernst & Young highlight the PhDs to the judges? If not, why not? Moreover, Ron Sim won not just the EOY but was handpicked by Ernst & Young for the Master Entrepreneur of the Year award. And Ron Sim later became one of the EOY judges. How could someone who was selling slimming products that didn't work be a judge for EOY? I wrote back with all these questions, and Ernst & Young's reply, from a Deputy General called Lana Ng, was:
We continue to find your tone unduly offensive and accusatory. We do not wish to engage in further communications with you. Nor do we need to . . . . Should you persist in making accusations and/or insinuations about Ernst & Young, we will have no choice but to take legal action against you.
Gosh, the woman eats dynamite or what? I haven't accused Ernst & Young of anything. All I've done is ask a few questions. Ernst & Young is taking legal action against me for that?! Even LKY doesn't sue anyone for asking questions, does he? So what if my tone were offensive and accusatory? Is what I say not true? Are my questions not valid? If Lana Ng thinks I'm insinuating something nasty with my questions, that's her guilty conscience at work.
If Ernst & Young doesn't wish to 'engage' the public, it shouldn't publicize its stupid little award. Otherwise, the public has the right to raise legitimate questions about the winners chosen. It is extremely unbecoming of a big corporation to try and intimidate and bully a little public member into silence.
Reading Lana Ng's email, a picture comes to mind:
The chicken-out response – from The Business Times
I had high hopes of getting a good answer from BT which, as a newspaper, should be used to asking tough questions. So it should be good at answering tough questions, yes? My email was passed to Alvin Tay, BT's editor. Two weeks after I sent my queries on why BT gave Ron Sim the Businessman of the Year award, I asked Alvin if he would give me a response. Alvin emailed back:
We will certainly give you a response.
'Gosh, how manly!' I thought. I could almost hear him thumping his chest, and expected a thumping good answer. Alas, it was not to be. That was the last I heard from him, and it's been more than a month. There's been nothing but a deafening silence, and I'm still waiting for that response he will 'certainly give'.
Is Alvin Tay man or mouse? Sadly, it's the latter:
The dumbest response – from NUS Business School
Replying to my questions on whether Ron Sim is an appropriate advisor and role model for business school students, NUS said:
Any queries should be directed to Mr. Ron Sim of Osim International.
I asked NUS about its values, policies and selection criteria for advisors, and it said I should go ask Ron Sim instead. NUS has appointed Ron Sim as its spokesman?
Another picture floating in my mind:
The follow-loh response – from Lee Kong Chian Business School, SMU
The University invited Mr Ron Sim to be on the Advisory Board of the Lee Kong Chian School of Business because of his outstanding business credentials. He won the Singapore Business Awards Businessmen of the Year . . . and the Ernst & Young Entrepreneur of the Year award also in the same year. Mr Sim has served on the School's Board for more than five years and is currently into his third term.
So, if other people give Ron Sim awards and say he is good, then he must be good? Are they a bunch of sheep at SMU? What outstanding credentials? The ability to sell products with health benefits that can't be substantiated?
'BAAAAA . . . !'
And then, there was Singapore Business Federation, which said it had better things to do than answer my queries. The MTI told me to go to CASE. Temasek said it didn't discuss its investments.
So, that's that. It looks like nobody minds a naked emperor at all. I think I might go buy myself a couple of PhDs. And start selling dodgy slimming products. Nudism is hot.
So, as I was saying in yesterday's post, Osim's smoke bombs didn't work on me. But I thought it was a shame to waste the bellows of thick smoke, so I made some smoked soft-boiled eggs . . . . Just kidding lah. If only Osim's smoke were so useful!
The smoked eggs I made were smoked with sugar and osmanthus (桂花), a method I had found in Jacky Yu's cookbook, Xi Yan Cuisine II. That was the second time I tried the smoking method. The first attempt was a failure 'cause I burnt the sugar, which made the eggs smell burnt. It was a bit like Osim's smoke, maybe, which also smelt burnt? HA . . . ha . . . . Any . . . ways, I lowered the heat the second time round, and the eggs turned out quite alright. The smoke gave the egg whites a lovely golden hue, and the taste was nicely smokey without any hint of something burnt.
Besides eggs, lots of other things can be smoked, such as fish, chicken or duck. Just don't try to smoke a tigress, ok?
uKimono, like its predecessor, uZap, is a massage belt made and marketed by Osim, Ron Sim's company. It's sold as an aid to weight loss, muscle toning and cellulite reduction, mainly to ladies who don't want to eat less or move more. According to Osim, the massage provided by uKimono results in – are you ready? – 20 health benefits:
Tones abdominal muscles.
Tones flabby thighs.
Sculpts firmer and solid buttocks for a perkier silhouette.
Speeds up transfer of broken down fat to the muscles for rapid absorption as energy.
Accelerates burning of fat deposits in the tummy, butt and thighs.
Stimulates burning of fat.
Breaks down fat deposits.
Prevents buildup of fat cells.
Increases flexibility of the muscles in the abdomen, lumbar, hips and thighs.
Improves blood circulation.
Improves basal metabolism.
Reduces appearance of cellulite.
Prevents buildup of cellulite.
Relieves aches and pains from lower back.
Lowers stress level.
Releases endorphins in the body.
Aids digestion.
Helps eliminate waste.
Helps eliminate fluid retention.
Eases difficulty of staying trim and healthy.
That's quite a list, isn't it? It's amazing how a few short paragraphs of marketing gobbledygook can string together so many purported benefits. Link here for uKimono's web page, and here's the TV commercial for this miraculous product:
But there's something even more amazing, something that sets it apart from other bogus slimming products in the market. uKimono is developed and endorsed by a medical doctor cum professor emeritus of Tsukuba University, Dr Koto Takayoshi:
Is there really a scientific basis for uKimono? I put on my boxing gloves, and set out to find out.
Round one – ding! I asked Osim's Customer Service for Dr Koto's email address, explaining that I wanted to ask him a few questions about uKimono. I figured I should get the science behind uKimono straight from the horse's mouth. Osim flatly turned down my request and said, 'Under contractual obligation, will not be able to disclose Dr Koto's contact information.' It then volunteered its assistance, which I gladly accepted. I didn't mind grilling Osim instead of Dr Koto. Nope, not at all. I sent Customer Service the list of 20 health benefits and said, effectively, 'Prove it!' I asked for substantiation and quantification of the benefits, and information on clinical trials.
Round two – ding! It took four weeks and two reminders to pry a response from Osim. The email essentially regurgitated the marketing gobbledygook for uKimono. Here's what it said (numbers mine):
uKimono's combination of osimotion and rotational kneading massage movement . . . (1) help to increase the flexibility of the large muscle groups in the abdomen, lumbar, hips and thighs, thereby (2) promoting capillary blood flow that (3) carries oxygen and nutrients from the peripheral tissues to the muscle tissues. This (4) promotes metabolism in the muscle cells, and (5) improves basal metabolism that burns fat even while at rest . . . .
I asked for substantiation and in response, in just two sentences, Osim made five unsubstantiated claims! And point (3) wasn't even factually correct. Blood flowing from the peripheral tissues back to the muscle tissues (and heart) carries waste products, not oxygen and nutrients. Note that because the claims were chained, i.e. one thing led to another, the ultimate improvement in basal metabolism would not happen if any one claim was incorrect.
According to the pseudoscience in Osim's reply, uKimono improved the 'digestion and absorption process by stimulating and reinforcing the peristaltic motion in the intestines, thereby facilitating excretion and preventing constipation.' I don't know about the poop stuff but improved digestion and absorption would result in more calories absorbed and more fat in the body, not less!
Osim's gibberish also said uKimono had 'a squeezing effect on the subcutaneous fatty tissue, enabling a more effective and efficient burning of fat.' Gosh, really? I got a big piece of lard from the market, squeezed it, then squeezed it again. It didn't look like it was burning, and it sure didn't shrink in size. Just made my fingers oily. I'm sure some clever people would point out that pork lard, which is dead, is different from human lard, which is living. But is it really very different, when the human lard just sits around, wrapped with a uKimono?
What about information on clinical trials? Osim said, 'I am sorry that we cannot disclose any further information in [sic] relating to the testing procedure / process of the test report.'
Calories burnt when using uKimono? Ignored.
How does uKimono tone muscles, which is different from losing weight? Nothing.
How does uKimono reduce cellulite, which is also different from losing weight? Zilch.
Quantification? Nada.
I emailed Osim and said I was writing something, publicly accessible, which would say that Osim was unable to substantiate and quantify any of the 20 purported benefits. And that there was no evidence that Osim carried out any clinical trials whatsoever on uKimono. Customer Service – good boy! – passed the buck to the legal department, which asked to speak with me directly.
Round three – ding! Over the phone, Osim threw three smoke bombs at me. It said it couldn't reveal any information on uKimono's clinical trials because of some non-disclosure agreement (NDA). I thought Osim meant it didn't develop uKimono in-house and hence, didn't have full ownership rights. But it was nothing like that. I was told the NDA was with an English speaking Japanese intern who acted as the translator for Dr Koto. Really?! Osim, the employer, had an NDA with its employee – an intern! – that prevented it from backing up its uKimono claims?!!! Remember this was a lawyer speaking! He couldn't see me but my jaws just dropped and hit the floor. Clunk! According to him, the bilingual intern helped send data, on 'physical trials conducted in Singapore on batches of both in-house and outside volunteers', to Dr Koto in Japan for interpretation. So, Osim could conduct trials but had to get a retired, non-English speaking professor in Japan to interpret the data?! I wanted to chew up the story and spit it out but that might make the guy to clamp up. I kept my mouth shut and let him carry on talking.
Round four – ding! Perhaps sensing that the NDA story wasn't very convincing, the legal chap tried a different smoke bomb. He said Osim could not substantiate the health benefits because uKimono was patent pending. It was a good thing I had my gas mask on, I tell ya. I pointed out that the substantiation had nothing whatsoever to do with how uKimono was made. And that whether or not uKimono was patent pending, Osim should stand by and back up the claims made publicly, or take them back. 'Are you our competitor?' the lawyer asked.
Round five – ding! The focus shifted to the Japanese professor cum medical doctor, Dr Koto. I was told Dr Koto conducted tests on uKimono in Japan. So uKimono was tested in both Singapore and Japan? Wow! Dr Koto even published papers on his uKimono research. Wow again! Could I have the papers? No, I couldn't because one, they were in Japan and two, they were in Japanese. I laughed – it was rude but I really couldn't help it. This third bomb didn't have much smoke. C'mon, in the Internet Age, a report in Japan could be in Singapore in two mouse clicks. Japanese? 'No problem. I'll get it translated,' I said. At this point, the lawyer changed his tune. Dr Koto's research was on massage, i.e. with human hands, not uKimono. Well! 'Could I have the research papers anyway?' I said. I thought I heard a sigh but I could be wrong.The lawyer said someone from marketing would call me.
Round six – ding! Marketing didn't call but Legal did. Osim was retracting what it said about uKimono trials conducted in Singapore. It confirmed it was retracting what it said about uKimono trials conducted in Japan. There were zilch clinical trials on uKimono and hence, zilch data. Osim also confirmed none of the 20 health benefits could be substantiated or quantified. It agreed uKimono's patent application was irrelevant to my queries. Was there actually a Japanese intern who spoke English? Never mind, the fun was over . . . too soon.
Match over – ding ding ding! Ladies and gentlemen, and the winner is . . . drum roll, please . . .
KITCHEN TIGRESS!!!
Only one question remains: would Osim refund customers for uKimono and uZap?
When I wake up early on a weekend, I sometimes make apple muffins. That would be one of my domestic goddess mornings, which happens as often as the moon is blue. Once, Someone set the alarm clock to get me out of bed to make apple muffins on a Sunday. I very, very nearly gave him a black eye 'cause the moon wasn't blue the night before. That was the first and last time he tried something so dangerous.
Apples for dessert, on the other hand, are possible regardless of the colour of the moon. Take your pick of choices galore: apple pie, apple tart, apple cobbler, apple crumble, apple Brown Betty, baked apple and tarte tatin. Apple every which way is fine by me.
I usually have some apples in the fridge on standby. They're good any time of the day. I might have one with yogurt for breakfast. Later in the day, when I feel hungry or bored, I grab another one and start munching. I love the sound of biting into a crisp apple. Doesn't matter whether they're green, red or yellow, big or small. So long as they're crunchy, I like 'em all.
When I get tired of apples au naturel or in a sweet recipe, I put them in a savory dish with chicken. I swear even vegetable haters would happily chomp on stir fried apple slices with a sweet and sour seasoning. They taste nothing like vegetables and look nothing like vegetables. Hey, they're not vegetables! But they have all the goodness of vegetables and then some.
I think apples as part of a main course is a fantastic idea. It helps me eat more apples, and the doctor orders an apple a day to keep him away, right?
I keep telling Mac that if Prince Charming finds her all sprawled out whilst she's sleeping, he would tiptoe away and not kiss her. But she never listens to me. She's a totally modern woman-cat with no inhibitions. She just does whatever she wants, and Prince Charming can go fly a kite as far as she's concerned. She couldn't care less 'cause she has a mind of her..
This is gonna be a lousy weekend, 'cause I have to file my taxes by Sunday. I really, really hate doing my taxes. I hate it more than . . . alarm clocks, G-strings, and . . . cockroaches.
I don't usually file my taxes till it's way past the deadline. Once, I told IRAS I couldn't file because I was living overseas – which was true – but my documents were in Singapore – which was false. IRAS – bless them! – allowed me to file two years late. Another time, I told IRAS I couldn't file because I had just relocated back to Singapore – which was true – but my documents were in storage overseas – which was false – because I had not found a permanent place to live – which was true. If I remember correctly, that one was nine months late.
A few times, I was fined when I forgot to tell IRAS some sob story about why I couldn't file in time. No problem. I just asked for the fine to be waived, and IRAS always agreed . . . until last year. It finally put its foot down, told me my filing record was 'disgraceful', and flatly refused to let me off the hook. Gulp! My heart ached at the thought of coughing up the extra money. I asked the lady on the phone if I could write in to appeal. She said I could, but the appeal would be turned down because I had been given enough chances. 'But there's no harm trying, right?' I said.
In my written appeal to IRAS, I begged and grovelled shamelessly. 'I am extremely sorry . . . I know I've been very, very naughty . . . but IRAS is so kind and generous (a bit of brown-nosing never hurts) . . . if you waive the fine, I swear I will never be late again . . . I promise to be a good girl from now on . . .pleeease? Pretty, pretty please?' After reading my heartfelt plea bargain, IRAS – bless them! – waived the fine again. Phew! But the waiver came with a very stern letter which said that was absolutely the last time I would get away with it.
By hook or by crook, I mustn't be late this year. Or IRAS will whack me on the head and this time, I won't be able to duck. I know I should get it over and done with instead of having it hang over my head. Yes! I will do it tonighttomorrow by Sunday . . . 10 pm. A two-hour margin should be good enough, yes? Hmm, I wonder if IRAS would accept American time zone for the deadline . . . .
Shark's fin melon is called shark's fin melon because after it's cooked, it can be raked into shreds that look like shark's fin. It is fake shark's fin for those who don't eat the real stuff because they: (1) can't afford to – although an arm and a leg for a fin is fair exchange, I think; (2) can't be bothered to – the preparation and cooking take forever; or (3) can't bear to – save the sharks!
10 seconds is all it takes to find out that these two universities aren't 'prestigious educational institutions', as Osim claims. Never mind the level of prestige, the two 'universities' aren't even accredited, i.e. they're degree mills.
So, as I was saying in yesterday's 
Just kidding 
Tones abdominal muscles.
I asked for substantiation and in response, in just two sentences, Osim made five unsubstantiated claims! And point (3) wasn't even factually correct. Blood flowing from the peripheral tissues back to the muscle tissues (and heart) carries waste products, not oxygen and nutrients. Note that because the claims were chained, i.e. one thing led to another, the ultimate improvement in basal metabolism would not happen if any one claim was incorrect.
Calories burnt when using uKimono? Ignored.
of both in-house and outside volunteers', to Dr Koto in Japan for interpretation. So, Osim could conduct trials but had to get a retired, non-English speaking professor in Japan to interpret the data?! I wanted to chew up the story and spit it out but that might make the guy to clamp up. I kept my mouth shut and let him carry on talking.
were in Japan and two, they were in Japanese. I laughed – it was rude but I really couldn't help it. This third bomb didn't have much smoke. C'mon, in the Internet Age, a report in Japan could be in Singapore in two mouse clicks. Japanese? 'No problem. I'll get it translated,' I said. At this point, the lawyer changed his tune. Dr Koto's research was on massage, i.e. with human hands, not uKimono. Well! 'Could I have the research papers anyway?' I said. I thought I heard a sigh but I could be wrong.The lawyer said someone from marketing would call me.
When I wake up early on a weekend, I sometimes make apple muffins. That would be one of my domestic goddess mornings, which happens as often as the moon is blue. Once, Someone set the alarm clock to get me out of bed to make apple muffins on a Sunday. I very, very nearly gave him a black eye 'cause the moon wasn't blue the night before. That was the first and last time he tried something so dangerous.
When I get tired of apples au naturel or in a sweet recipe, I put them in a savory dish with chicken. I swear even vegetable haters would happily chomp on stir fried apple slices with a sweet and sour seasoning. They taste nothing like vegetables and look nothing like vegetables. Hey, they're not vegetables! But they have all the goodness of vegetables and then some.
This is gonna be a lousy weekend, 'cause I have to file my taxes by Sunday. I really, really hate doing my taxes. I hate it more 
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